My blog
Note that these are my completely unfiltered thoughts and i talk about suicide and self harm here a lot and very casually, viewers discresion etc.
....Guysss im sooo fucking bad... i ordered another BonBonPocket 😭 I COULDNT HELP IIITTTTT. I ordered Paradise Lost bc shes just sooo cute i lov her... but also i spent waaay too much on dolls this month alone i think i sppent like.... 700 zł...??? I went fucking crazy bro... im actually nt ordering any dolls until like... June. Or maybe even July no matter how much I want one, i actually spent like half a year of my doll budget in two weekss 😭😭😭 also i hate myself for not really doing anything this weekend... honestly i dont feel like writing anything anyore bye
OHH MY GOD MY BONBONPOCKET ARRIVED TODAY!!! (Well, technically yesterday... writing this at like 1 m lol) She's super high quality i love her sculpt so much... and she came with a lot of bonus stuff too!!! Very lovely girl, obsessed with her!! i totallyyy want to order another one from this series now...dont have the money for it tho ;-; id love to also have Paradise Lost from this series... Hopefully someday!!
Hiii everyone good day to you today!!!! I have a lot of things to talk abt rn, in a very cheery mood today... i got my new mouse yesterday! still getting used to it, but tbh i think its a little to round for me and raises my hand a lil too high.... but ill use it some more to see if maybe i just need to adjust.... also corrupted heart is finishing her shipping!!!! so excited for herrr i want her alr so much.... i hope i get her this week!! also meimeifu just started her shipping today! i expected her to take a lil longer tbh, but i guess ill get her in about a week or two ^w^ also its finally snowing in my city!!!! ill def have to go on a looong walk to enjoy it while it lasts, but im kinda hesitant abt it bc its really slippery, esp since its a first big snow this year... i prob forgot some other thinga i wanted to talk about, so ill maybe make a 2nd entry today once im home since im writing this on my phone rn. also ive been thinking abt improving the layout on my bucky shrine... not sure if i want to use iframes or a different page for every section... now that i think abt it ig i could write smth in there rn, since im not doing anything... im planning to finish official appearances rant page, rating every look, expand the gallery, some other misc stuff. also really thinking abt getting a different for for there, i bet its getting boring juat looking at courier all the time...... yeah, i have a big one for someone not spending their time coding shit.
oki i dids a lil shopping spree recently... i ordered like 3 new dollys which is a lot for someone thats worlds most unemployed person ever. I ordered Corrupted Heart from BonBonPocket which im SUPER EXCITED FOR shell be my 1st 1/6 scale dolly and i cant wait to see her!!! i hesitated on buying her bc shes pretty expensive but i saw other ppl posting pics of this series on reddit and.... something just compelled me idk. Also I ordered MeiMeiFu from Nagi Exchange Student series which i eyed for like... a year alr but finally ordered her. Shes also not really a bjd from what ive seen but whateverr shes a cute lil strawberry vampire i love her :33. Also nt shure how long will her shipping take but i think itll be longer that the bonbonpocket. And on top of all that i preordered Seals Fantasy from Electronic Pet Game World, but these ship out late march-early april so ill have to wait a while... but yeahhh i went crazy. also i ordered a new mouse bc the one i was using for like 5 yrs finally broke :( the new one looks rlly cool ill show u pics when it arrives. Also i really like the idea of a piclog but i dont fw the heavy copression so if anyone knows any alternatives pls tell me thx. also i got some chapstick and vaseline for my lips today. i dont think ive ever had a problem with dry lips before?? but whatever. the chapstick smells kinda funky, but it makes my lips feel great, so ill ignore that. also suer excited about my 1st small tub oof vaseline ive never owned a vaseline before. so cools yay.
Christtt this layout isnt even 2 months old and i alr wanna fuck shit up. just proves that i will never be happy and satisfied with myself 03/01/2025
I miss my webamp.I had nooo business putting almost 38 songs in there tho. though...... i did get a compliment on it once.... anyway, ill probably cut some songs from it if ill ever bring it back. and idoubt that ill put it on the index, it keeps doing this annoying thing where for some goddamn reason it makes it so that the scrollbar appears for no reason.... i think it might be the milkdrop plugin acting up?? i dont wanna get rid of it tho its so fun!!!! ugh -_-. but yeah no most of the songs there were straight bangers. in an ideal world id have multiple webamps for diff genres/moods n stuff but im scared of javascript and im stupid in general. did i mention that that playlist was entirely gabber/happy hardcore themed? it fucked hard tho. tbh ill think abt it... ill think abt it..... but yeah i could just put the old mix here with like 5 songs thrown out and id be proud of it. that mix was REAL good.
I feel so worthless and lonely
My wound is... okay. It still hasnt really healed properly, but the scar tissue is setting in nicely. I can't wait for it to heal over properly so that i can touch myself there.
Today at abt midnight i had a terrible self harm incident. I overestimated the sharpness of one of my blades, and accidentaly gave myself a VERY deep cut (at least comparing to what i'm used to).I planned on a few superficial cuts, but instead i got myself something that prooobably needs stitches... that i'm not gonna get bc i dont wanna tell my parents and dont wanna leave the house:)) also idk if they even sell surgical string in farmacies, and i dont feel like waiting and explaining myself at a doctor. eh. it has been 16 hours now and its still kinda bleeding, though i think thats mostly bc im not being very careful with it. its not infected though!!! yippie!!! all hail spiritus salicylatus, the mvp f my life!!!! ahhh anyway, seeing the deep gash was lowkey terrifying. It didnt fill with blood right away, so the first few seconds i could just... see the skin parted, like some sort of a canyon, deep enough for my lamp to cast a shadow on it. horryfying look, but... also fascinating to look at. i was too scared of the implications of such a wound to absorb the moment very well, though. Buuut i think that just means i didnt hit anything important if it didnt gush out right away, and it didnt seem THAT deep, not anything below the dermis was seen, so thats cool. scary overall... i cut with the exact strenght i usually apply... ill be more careful in the future. anyway, i also wanted to talk about how shitty my setup is. i basically own a 10 year old laptop that i got from communion money. the graphics card is VERY outdated, i basically cant run any game made after 2020, with some exceptions. my graphic tablet is a busted outdated model too, i think something is wrong with either it or its cable, because for the life of me i CANT get pressure to work on it, so i basically mosty just gave up on digital art rn. my mouse is broken too, it keeps either doubleclicking or just nt clicking at all, but tbh its like a cheap bluetooth mouse and it did last a very long time so im hoping to get that replaced soon enough. but yeah my setup sucks and i hate it. graphic card are expensive as hell, and i have noo fucking idea about computers so i dont even know what to look for to replace it, and my cpu probably isnt any fucking good either. ugh. and yeahh i have no money to replace it all at once. plus, the laptop isnt even that shit? its not even that slow for a 10 year old, its good, just with unsupported hardware, so i dont even feel a real need to replace it... ughhh.... um anyways i hope the wound heals well... its kinda scary. ohhhh and also im working on a bucky shrine!!!! hoping to upload it soon!!!!!
Tbh i reaaally want to play marvel rivals, but i'm very bad at games so i'm scared that i will be so bad i'll just make everyone angry... I reaaally want to make this version of bucky squirt tho.
Holy shiiiit i watched the new episode of what if today IM FED IM EATINGGG I LOVE BUCKY SO MUCH THIS EPISODE WAS SOOO GOOOD. Winters scenes were absolutey DELICIOUS i loved every single second of it. We finally got some more ws characterisation since like... forever. Super interesting to finally see more of his mindset in his full ws mode, we really didn't get much of that in the mcu, super glad to see it!!!! he also was so silly at times that was cute to see lol. and when he flirted with the fast food cashier.... I GIGGLEDDD THAT WAS SO CUTES def would work on me... replaying it in my head over n over rn... godd i could actually talk about him for HOURS, but ill save my more detailed thoughts for his shrine (which im workin on... prommy). ok id also like to mention alexei bc i really liked him there. i like him a lot as a character in general n i thought he was very yaoiful w bucky in this ep :3333. hmm well other than that i didnt get ulpianus during path of life :') ill have to wait for his rerun like a year from now on. oki thats it.
I should be studying rn, but im coding an arknights shrine instead. Hello! I've been playing IS4 a fuckton recently (roguelike gamemode in arknights) its super fun. And I finally got Logos' module today yayyyyyy necrosis is so fun i love it... Also, I wonder do u guys have a favorite minecraft arg? Mine is minecraft alpha 1.0.16 versions (minecraft lilypad). //SPOILERS//I've always loved how instead of a ~ spooky ghost ~ or ~ peoples souls trapped in some sort of a special containment mc version ~ its an actual lost version that was devloped by a mojang subgroup...//END OF SPOILERS// also i love the completely surreal and dreamlike feeling of it... and did i mention its ACTUALLY FUCKING PLAYABLE????????????? And the music is so dreamy...... i love listening to it to sleep... um yeahhh go watch it if u havent!!!!!!!
Ok finally finished the 3rd layout yayyy. Very happy with the changes. Removed the webamp bc it kept breaking it a little. Andd finally added an art gallery. Ok thats it.
hey. im working on the new layout right now, its actually going pretty great, i think im going to finish it soon. i have no idea how to do the index page tho.
My favorite dip pen nib bent beyond saving, im pissed as fuck abt this. I'm waiting for a replacement to arrive rn. I was doing a really fucking cool piece too. ://. Anyway I'm actually working on the new layout. Instead of studying, of course.
Hiii everyone. I was thinkimg abt completely recoding the site w flexbox bc i dont really vibe with this layout anymore but the way its coded rn i couldnt be bothered. On some other news i had my birthday recently so i have a lot of cash to spend on stupid shit. I found a mist likely original miku fig on aliexpress n it was one of my dreamies so i caved in. Im kinda worried but the reviews were legit n it was like half the price of the avg fig in here. ok thats it for now.
nothing brings me genuine joy anymore, every social interaction i have brings me nothing but humiliation and desire to isolate myself further, everything i do feels pathetic, i feel like noone cares anymore. hi. im writing thus on my phone!!!! also yes i forgot to work on the site again. i finished postal 2 for the first time today! the copy paste command seems to not work on mobile -_- i feel pathetic. ill try and code some more stuff here... i should be studying for a test rn. my top 3 fave postal 2 weapons are submachine gun, rifle and shears!!! im painting more recently. i got myself the 1st volume of the 2005 run of capt america!!! mostly for bucky lol. will prob buy the other volumes also. i dont know if i have heart issues or if its an emotional thing. i want to be witnessed and interacted with but i cant stand it. yabujin is so cools. i hate school. i dont want to get a job but i feel guilty every second im not justifying my existence. my internet is shit. i like paintimg with red and blue. which are my two favorite colors.who woulda thout.
Wsg everyone. I recently got Mei Lu! (the limited from ttep bjd series) and tbh im a bit disapointed with her... she's beautiful but putteng her clothes on was a nightmare and she does have serious manufacturing issues and oversights... i will probably talk about it in her entry in the bjd section of the site more... not much else going on otherwise. I'm not doing anything right now, really. I finished a painting recently and i like it a lot. I'd like to make some more like it, but i ran out of red paint for now. I'm thinking about going to the art store, but it's far away and i actually don't fully remember where it is or what bus to take to get there. I'm still thinking about getting an art gallery here, but im shy. Dont really have anything else to say today.
forgot to mention im tits out 4am listening to kfc murder chicks its sooo goood dj rozwell you sick bastard shoutout to the whole erratas thing they did i probably would be listening to this shit otherwise fuuuuuckk
HI EVERYONE no exciting news today just wanted to yap. Im thinking about moving even further away from the gabber aesthetic a lil bc i did move away from it a lil since last year. I still love it ofc ofc but i do find different things more 'me' now... also im thinking about finally getting a different webamp mix lol. Id archive this one ofc, but i do want smth else on my homepage maybe... also i will prob change the domain name to weirdwizard or weirdwizard69 since i mainly use that now lol. also im kinda conflicted abt using cruelty squad stuff on here. i LOV the games aesthetic and message (although me and mr.Ville have very different opinions on cannibalism) i never actually played it bc my 10 year old laptop cant run it ;-; i actually do have it bought on steam in case i ever get my hands on a device that actually can run it lol. umm yeah ill think abt it n stuff. ok thats all silver out whatevs.
I GOT HERRRR I GOT YUEMIAN SHES HERE OMGGGGG I LOVE HERRRRRRRRRR. SHES TOTALLLY MY FAVE NOW. I actually got her like 4 days ago but gt a bit busy n couldnt update here....... anyway im super excited abt her shes actually so angelic..... also i found the hidden from this series for really cheap (for a hidden design bjd lol) so I ORDERED HER TOO IM SOSOSOSO EXCITED. I'm goig to get her in like a few days i CANT WAITTTT. I'd also really like to get Miye from this series (the grey wolf girl) bc shes suuuper cute also but im waiting for the hype to die down a little bc i swear shes going for hidden prices rn ;-;;. And also the pink Yuemian variant and the maid outfit from this series is SO CUTE AGHHHH. I just cant get enough of this series... I'm going to try n update the doll section of collections soon but like im lazy so yk. on an unrelated note ive been getting into kfc murder chicks lately go listen to rage by them its sosososo good
MY DOLL THAT I PREORDERED FINALLY SHIPPED OUT!!!!!!!!!!!! FINALLY I WILL LAY MY GRUBBY HANDS ON HERRR HHAAGGHHHRGRGRGGAAHGHHG. If ur wondering who is she its Yuemian from Ten Thousand Escape Plans and I LOVE HER SO MUCH ALREADY I CANT WAITTTT. Also got a Spacehey today but tbh its kinda boring so far i might delete it -_- ive been thinking abt adding an art gallery here but im kinda shy..... and ive been looking for a new guestbook service since 123guestbook shut down, most likely ill use atabook. i do like ppl giving me compliments so its bound to happen pretty soon. also been playing cookie clicker a lot lately. um yeah otherwise just working on the site n fucking around the usual blah
OKAYYYY FINALLY IM BAAACKKK!!!! YIPPIEEE!!!! finally after more than a year of being a lazy bitch i coded an actual update for this trashfire. if im going to neglect this site again i think ill just put myself down actually. uhhh yeah i hope to add some more stuff in the future. some that i have no idea how to code but na przypale albo wcale.